Sea Sunday 2024

Seafarers and fishers play a vital role in all of our lives, but they often work in difficult, hazardous conditions.  Sea Sunday is Sunday 14th July.  It is when the Church prays for all those who live and work at sea.  Your support will make a big difference to seafarers and fishers in need.  You can donate in church, by visiting www.stellamaris.org.uk/donate, or by texting ‘SEA’ to 70460 to donate £5.  This collection is vital to enable Stella Maris to continue its important work, so please give generously.  Thank you.

Deacon John Writes

Recently I have written about the Holy Spirit. There are seven gifts of the Holy Spirit so over the next few weeks by way of relaxation, I will present some jokes which are based on these gifts:

B. The Gift of Understanding:

1) A Primary school teacher was observing the children in her classroom while they drew pictures.  She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork.  As she came to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” — Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They will in a        minute.”

2) “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the Church, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked the children in my Sunday School class. “NO!” the children all answered. “If I cleaned the Church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?” Again, the answer was, “NO!” “Well, then, if I were kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?” I asked them again. Again, they all answered, “NO!” “Well,” I continued, “then how can I get into Heaven?” A five-year-old boy shouted out, “YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!”

Deacon John Writes

Recently I have written about the Holy Spirit. There are seven gifts of the Holy Spirit so over the next few weeks by way of relaxation, I will present some jokes which are based on these gifts:

A. The Gift of Wisdom

1) Four-year-old Amanda was taken to the doctor’s office with a fever.  The doctor looked in her ears and asked, “Who’s in there?  Donald Duck?” she said, “No.”  He looked in her open mouth, “Who’s in there?  Mickey Mouse?” Again, she said, “No.”  He put his stethoscope on her heart and asked, “Who’s in there?  Barney?” — Amanda replied, “No, Jesus is in my heart.  Barney is in the pocket of my underwear.”

2) “Where there’s smoke…” There is an old joke about a man who asked his priest whether it was okay to smoke while he prayed. His priest said, “Absolutely not! When you pray, you should be completely devoted to prayer!” So the man went to another priest, but he changed his question, “Would it be okay to pray while I smoke?” “Yes, of course” was the answer.

3) Qualifications?  Several years ago in Germany,  a Bishop was questioning the children who were about to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation: “Who can administer the sacrament of confirmation?” he asked. A young girl          answered: “Any bishop, once he’s attained the age of reason!”

The Diocese Marriage and Family Life Adviser

The diocese Marriage and Family Life Adviser,   Katherine Bergin, has worked with a range of contributors to create a fantastic brand-new newsletter aimed at diocesan grandparents.  We have made several copies of the newsletter available at the back of church for anyone wishing to read it.  Please do leave them for others to read after you.